It can be frustrating to wait on the Lord in a world driven by an instant gratification, "I can fix it myself" mentality. I admit, I struggle every day to fend off the hunger pains of my flesh that craves victory, glory, and accomplishment, but there is worth in the waiting, and shelter in the sacrifice of those perishable gods. I learn more when I am forced to evaluate my steps, and take hold of what the Lord is teaching me, rather than rush through them as a means of checking off my list of tasks. You see, there is no rushing the Father, though sometimes, I try.
That said, and in an effort to take the proverbial breath, here I lay my life evaluated... for today:
I'm learning that my deepest compassion for people pales in comparison to the fervor with which the Father pursues the "worst" of us, that loving on my friends, and sharing in their delights and achievements is one of my greatest pleasures, and that I would rather be a Timothy than a Paul, but I'm called to be a Ruth (to "glean"). I'm learning that my parents are getting older. My mother's face reflects the years she has fought off the world to shelter us from all that could disappoint or harm us, and my father's hands recall each heart the Father healed with them, and every loving embrace offered to console a sick heart from a hope deferred. I'm learning that my brother and sister are growing up. Forrest is fast-approaching adulthood, and is becoming a pillar for his future wife and family, while Madeleine is more of a woman of God than I was at thirteen. I'm learning that being lonely is not the same as being alone, that sometimes what my heart desires most is not at all what I need, and that faith is harder than obedience sometimes. I'm learning that our country is paralyzed by blindness, that we are crumbling, but also that the Lord has not forsaken us, but is pruning away the fear, hunger for power, and pride so that the Truth can have a place in the sun to flourish. I'm learning that I am being refined, and it hurts. I'm learning that I have a lot to learn. I'm learning that ultimately, the Father will reunite the hearts of His children, the Devil will be defeated... and we may live to see it. I'm learning that we live in a most exciting time, my brothers and sisters. I am learning what it means to truly LIVE.